i don't know

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Indecision is a problem. I used to think I was just an indecisive person as though it was a personality type. But then I realized I had simply made indecision a habit.

Saying “I don’t know” to yourself every day starts to become your mantra until you are actually lost.

“Sometimes we can pretend that we’re really confused, but that’s because we don’t believe we can have what we want.” — Jen Sincero

I see a lot of truth in this quote. It’s why my habitual indecision grew. I generally do know what I want, but I’m embarrassed to say it at the risk of someone making fun of me. “Oh you want that?! Well, that’s unrealistic!” Or “You’ll never be able to get that.” Or “That isn’t good for you.” Etcetera, etcetera.

It’s really hard to decipher what you want when you are not aware of how many things are clouding and programming your own decisions. There are other people’s judgements, other people’s fears, your fears, your perceptions of what other people think or judge, your insecurities, your past held beliefs, your conditioning. No wonder it’s hard; no wonder you would rather say “I don’t know.” It’s so much easier that way. But the truth is no one else can possibly know what you want or what’s best for you, except YOU.

When I feel like saying “I don’t know…”, I get out a notebook and write down all the things I do know. This helps me to realize that I’m not completely lost, but there might be some insecurities blocking me from seeing that. For me, it’s mainly because at my core, I don’t believe I can have what I want. That’s my problem, I admit. And I need to work on my confidence rather my indecision.

To end this quick little post, I would like to quote Heath Ledger as Patrick Verona in one of my favorite movies, 10 Things I Hate About You:

“…don't let anyone, ever, make you feel like you don't deserve what you want!”

Katie BauerComment