should i get bangs?

“Should I get bangs?” The question of every girl late at night as she looks at herself in the mirror. She’s a little bored with her hair. Maybe bangs will add some extra zest to her life? Or perhaps bangs will somehow transform her into a rockstar? She wants to be a little more edgy. She’s looking for more risk and spontaneity. Bangs are clearly the answer. 

Three years ago I was sitting on the back patio of a favorite bar in Portland, Ore making my husband promise to never let me cut bangs again. I had recently had the aforementioned conversation with myself, questioning my life and “needing a change.” I had heard the cautionary tales of bangs being high maintenance, etcetera, etcetera, but threw caution to the wind and decided to YOLO myself away from the nay-sayers. 

After doing some very thorough research and watching educational videos on YouTube and being supported and cheered on by my husband (who is always supportive when I want to make a change, sometimes to a fault), I cut my own bangs in the bathroom of our apartment. They were cute, but I cut them too wide. I had taken too much hair into that V that you take when you cut your bangs, and they sort of flayed out to the sides. I also suffer from cowlicks along my frontal hairline (is this a term?), so the wider bang didn’t look great. I also suffer from regretting my decisions, and the regret came. Oh, it came. 

They were cool at certain times, and I got a few flattering selfies, but they were mainly a-n-n-o-y-i-n-g.

Since they were so wide, they required a lot to keep them from floating out to the sides constantly. When I would walk, one piece in the middle would fly straight up; I don’t know why. It was a struggle to keep them clean, since I suffer from naturally oily skin and hair (what a blessing), and I hated having to pin them out of the way every morning and night to wash my face. Looking back at pictures at the time I wondered, “did they ever look good?”

About three months into my relationship with Bangs, I decided to end it. I was ready to begin the arduous task of growing them out. A quest that, I was told, could take up to two years to complete. 

And so, that night in the bar after deciding to grow back my front hairs, I made my husband promise to never let me cut them again. I begged him to stop me. Even if I was super excited about them or made an amazing case for them in the future, I gave him strict instructions to keep me away from the scissors. I made him promise so many times. But I knew I couldn’t trust him because he had a twinkle of reluctancy in his eye at the time. After all he always liked when I spontaneously changed my look. But he still promised nonetheless…

Fast forward to two weeks ago. “Should I get bangs?”

There I was again, asking the same question I had warned myself and Joe about. 

“I think I need bangs…for the change…my hair is so boring…what do you think?” The unsurprising answer from my audience of one was “YES!”

Because of my distrust of hairstylists and people in general, I decided to cut them myself once again. “Just do it; don’t overthink it,” chanted my husband.

“Gee thanks for upholding your part of the promise.”

Standing in the bathroom with a (smaller) triangle of hair sectioned out and saying a few what-the-heck-am-I-doing’s under my breath, I finally managed to bring the scissors up to my hair and chop it off. With the help of my husband the cheerleader (“Why are you letting me do this? It’s you job to stop me!”), I managed to cut some pretty nice bangs. 

The whole time I was cutting my hair, I was so mad at myself for succumbing to the Bang Question, but after they were done, I was unexpectedly pleased with them. 

I haven’t wanted to give up on them yet, which is a good sign considering they’ve only been around for less than two weeks. Just like you would hope when making any kind of change, I felt like a new person, and I liked the new me.

I know they’re going to take some maintenance, but when they’re styled, I love the look of them! And to end this story with a cheesy life lesson for me and anyone who cares to attach meaning to a story about fringe:

Sometimes things that are worthwhile take a little extra care. 

The End. 

just make a decision

Everybody goes through those stages in life where they say, “I don’t know what to do.” You can go through them at any age or your whole life - and how fun is that?

I have been in the “I don’t know” position many times. And there are a lot of things you can do to figure it out. 

Take a personality test. Read some books about career paths. Read other people’s inspiring stories. Meditate. Visualize. 

These are great, and I have effectively used many of these as helpers to figure out my next steps in life, but in all reality, the best way to move forward is to make a fucking decision. 

Every day you put one foot in front of the other, and it miraculously leads you to the pastry shop on the corner. Win. I had to learn that a decision is not a be-all and end-all. It’s one foot in front of the other. It doesn’t need to be the perfect answer to your life’s purpose. It just needs to move you away from where you are now. 

I have been through many career changes, and many “I don’t know’s.” I have changed my mind a lot, and to some people, it looks like I’m just bouncing through life without a fucking clue of what I’m doing. Well guess what. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I don’t care anymore. I’m getting closer. 

Making decisions is a great way to learn about yourself. You can learn what you like or dislike, learn what’s really important to you, or learn about who you are as a person by making one decision.

Making that decision will also allow you to make other decisions that were not previously available to you.

During my life I’ve decided to become a missionary which somehow led me to become a wedding photographer which made me realize two things: that I’d rather live on the West Coast, and I’d rather be a fashion photographer which led me to move to New York which made me realize I’d rather be a writer and rather live on the West Coast again.

I never really had a clear picture of my perfect life. And I don’t think you ever need to have that. But right now, I know myself so much better. I have a clearer picture of how I would like my life to look, and I owe it to sending myself through a myriad of careers and states. This means my decisions are getting more and more precise. 

I used to be paralyzed by making the right decision and paralyzed by worrying about regret. I hear people say “no regrets” (or “no ragrets” if you’re that tattoo guy), and my first thought is “are you a pychopath?” I never understood how that could be a serious possibility or a serious philosophy of life. I mean of course you must regret something!

I have a lot of regrets and that used to make me feel hesitant to make decisions. Until I recently reflected on my life and realized that the only reason I am where I am is because I made a lot of regrets. My regrets have led me to where I am now. And I love it. 

Recently I have been trying to look at these failed decisions not as failures, but as information on where I really need to go. These regrets are valuable hints while I figure out the maze of my life.

One imperfect decision at a time leads to your perfect life.