inner-child work

On a recent episode of our podcast, Joe and I talked about inner-child work and the benefits we’ve felt from practicing these exercises especially from the standpoint of growing up in an evangelical home. 

Regardless of the kind of home you grew up in, this kind of work can be super healing! So I want to share a little more about my experiences from it. 

Inner-child work has to do with reconnecting with your childlike self or essence in an attempt to heal or nurture her now as your current, adult self. The first time I heard about this, it sounded super trippy and weird. What?! I have an inner child self who needs to be comforted and has unresolved wounds?!

Yes. 

Once I got over my initial reaction to the concept, I saw the truth to it. If you stop and think for a second, you can easily recall times recently where you behaved like a child. We all have times when our inner child controls how we view things and how we react to things. 

Understanding the value of this work comes with trying it out. So let’s begin. 

Find a quiet room, play some calming music, and get into a comfortable position. Make your dog lay down and stop staring at you in that creepy way and close your eyes. Imagine yourself outside in nature and visualize your current self walking up to your child self playing. You can choose any age. Choose the age that you immediately see. Sit down and talk to that child. Listen to her, play with her, hold her in your lap. What would you tell her? What would you say to her? What does she say to you?

This exercise can be very powerful. The first time I did this, I started crying merely at the sight of little me playing under a tree. I took this to mean, my child self needed some love and attention from my adult self. 

Another thing that I took away was how weird this was. The first time I experienced this, I was half in and half out. It was cool, but it was strange to imagine talking to my younger self as if I were a crazy person. “I can never tell anyone how transcendental I’m getting…” (oops)

Because of this, it was a little while before I tried it again. About a couple months later, after a particularly relaxing evening where I was laying on the floor listening to spa music, I felt the desire to talk to my inner child again. I was feeling great and indifferent to how strange such a conversation would seem to anyone else because after all, it was silently occurring in my own head. 

I thought, “what if I revisited some uncomfortable memories of myself when I felt shy or unworthy?”

Instantly a memory popped into my head. I was 11 or 12, and I was at a small-town hair salon shadowing a hairstylist for Shadow Day. Did you have that at your school? You were supposed to think of a career you might enjoy, reach out to someone who already had that career, and see what it was like. It’s actually a really cool concept. I was into fashion, makeup, and hair at the time, and the career I came up with was a hairstylist. Here is my memory of it:

(Welcome to the deepest, most insecure corners of my brain)

I got to the salon early in the morning before everyone’s shift had started. I don’t remember the name of the woman I shadowed, but let’s call her Diane. One of the stylists was drinking a can of Pepsi and said, “I need to get this taste of toothpaste out of my mouth” which even as a 12 year old, I thought was a dumb thing to say. “You want to replace the fresh taste of clean teeth with the taste of chemical syrup?!” I remember feeling super shy, awkward, and in the way the whole day. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do there. I was so worried about being quiet, shy, and not having any questions to ask that I was quiet, shy, and didn’t have any questions to ask. Soon into the day I realized I didn’t want to do this job. I have to be honest here, even as an insecure child, I had a lot of judgements of people. I could sense that the people working at this salon were small-minded and ambition-less so became uninterested in it as a career. I didn’t want to grow up and be them. I still had to be there through the whole day, and I hated it. In the afternoon, a girl who was a little older than me came in to get her hair done. She was cool. In my memory she was popular and everyone thought she was so pretty. She was wearing a denim jacket and had beautiful long, thick brown hair. As the stylist cut her hair, I remember her looking at her phone (did cell phones exist then?) and looking effortlessly calm and chic. At the end, her hair was even cooler (can you believe it?!) with layers and volume. I remember her looking at herself in the mirror completely satisfied with the way she looked as everyone around her cooed and complimented her. And I stood behind feeling like a loser with stringy hair, round Harry Potter glasses, crooked teeth, and yesterday’s style. 

“There she is!” I thought in real time. There is that little, insecure girl. And that’s how I still view myself, even though I know it’s not true, even though I have changed so much. There was still a part of me that uses that to define myself today!

In my mind, I entered this memory again. I stood by my child self and talked to her all day as if I were her older sister.

“Okay, don’t worry about a thing. I’m here with you now. You can talk to me. You’re not alone.”

“Yes, you don’t realize it yet, but you live in a small town. You probably don’t want to work in a place like this, but that’s okay that these people do.”

“It sucks that you had to feel so small and awkward; nobody wants to feel like that, but I’m sure everyone experiences it at some point. You don’t have to feel like this your whole life, though; there are ways to learn how to be comfortable in your own skin.”

“That girl is really pretty, but that doesn’t mean she’s better than you. She has confidence and you can learn to have that, too.”

“Come with me! We’re going to go get some fun things. I’ll help you with your style.”

And then I visualized my adult self taking my younger self shopping, styling her, painting her nails, talking to her about confidence and being there for her. 

Self care on a deeper level…

It sounds so simple, but in the moment, picturing my older self talking to my younger self was profound because my younger self felt such a deep connection and felt fully understood (because it’s me, duh!) and therefore, felt way more cared for than if it was anyone else comforting me. I needed attention from myself! 

I entered another memory. This one wasn’t as significant, and I’m not really sure what brought it to my mind. It was the day after I had picked out my first pair of glasses in fourth grade. My mom had helped me pick them out. I tried on a metal-rimmed, round pair that my mom thought was cute. I remember not being sure about them, but my mom kept saying, “You look so cute! You look so cute!” I didn’t want to look cute, but was too easily influenced to choose this pair. The next day at school, I remember walking down the hall, around the corner to my locker, setting my books on the floor, and a friend excitedly asking me to show her my glasses: “Let’s see!”

I took them out of the case quietly and showed her. I don’t remember the reaction, but I remember I felt so self conscious. 

This time, with adult me by my side, I told my child self that I’m allowed to choose what I want. I let myself pick out the pair of glasses I thought I looked best in. I helped myself not pick one that was too cutsie because I knew that was the opposite of what I wanted. Once we picked the best pair, I styled my younger self again. I gave her a really good pep talk, treated her like a best friend—an adult and not a child—and walked her down the hall. I told her how proud of her I was and sent her off to class with a wink. 

I’m not sure what made me think of these two memories, but they popped into my head at the time, and I lightly followed them along replacing the bad bits of memory with encouragement from myself. I may not have remembered these past events accurately at all (in fact, there is a good chance I didn’t), but they were still being used to inform my current self and life for better or worse. 

I forgot about this exercise and a couple days passed. To my surprise, when I thought back on the memories, they no longer existed in the same way. I didn’t have the same feelings attached to them; I didn’t feel a pang in my stomach thinking back on how insecure of a child I was. I remember my adult self with me the whole time. WHICH IS CRAZY! I didn’t intend to produce this effect, but it makes sense to me. What is a memory? It isn’t concrete; it can be altered apparently. And altering it can affect your future. My memory was telling me a story about myself. But if I go back and reframe past memories, I can change the way I remember them, and alter my current story.

Trippy.

i don't want to be a perfectionist anymore

I used to think being a perfectionist was one of the most commendable personality traits. It was one of my favorite compliments. 

“You’re such a perfectionist!”

That would make me feel great. I would gravitate towards people who had extremely high standards because I felt they could understand the core of who I was. They were the only kinds of people I could trust. 

However I started noticing that identifying myself this way and then acting out this identity hurt me more than it helped me. I’m talking about severe perfectionism here. Not just, “I want to do my best!”

It started to wear me down, and so below are the reasons I stopped idealizing the trait. 

It’s never enough

Anyone who is a perfectionist experiences this. All your efforts are never enough; the road to perfection never ends, and some may say this is a good thing. It can be very motivating. 

But you can also get extremely obsessed with perfection and realize you’ll never get there and the thought of that drives you insane and into a spiral of self doubt and criticism. Which leads me to…

You’re critical of yourself

You’re never enough. When something in your life isn’t enough or isn’t working out like you thought, it can often come back on you.

“Maybe this a reflection of me? Am I not enough? Is it my fault?”

These thoughts lead to terrible self-esteem. Not only do you think you’re letting others down, but you’re constantly remembering that you’re letting your own self down. Thinking this day after day, month after month, year after year, will really mess with your head.

You’re critical of others

You start projecting your perfectionism on other people around you. You already berate yourself for falling short, so what’s stopping you from harshly judging others? The ones you love never measure up to your high standards, and you become continually disappointed with them. This creates a rift in your relationship and you are unable to enjoy the good things about them.

It wastes your time

Trying to be a perfectionist was wasting my time on worry and insecurities. I would (and often still do) get into an insecurity spiral.

It’s a time-suck. You’re spending time and energy worried, when you could be spending time and energy problem-solving and doing.

It’s paralyzing 

You’re paralyzed by the fear of not being perfect. Even as I write this, I’m so paralyzed by perfectionism. “Is this good enough? Do I write well? Is this making sense? Will someone chime in with a random and annoying comment on how I’m wrong?”

And still…

“Are these questions good enough to demonstrate how stuck in the perfectionist loop I am?!”

Being a perfectionist stops you from getting out there and doing your thing, whatever it is. I need Nike to repeat their slogan to me every 15 minutes.

I come up with a lot of ideas I’m excited about - things I want to write, businesses I want to create, photo shoots I want to do, places I want to go, art I want to make, food I’d like to cook - And over and over again, I’m paralyzed by the fear of that thing not being perfect.

“What’s the point of starting it? It won’t be perfect.” 

Yes, it won’t be perfect. This is too true because no one is perfect when they are first starting a new endeavor. But when you hold yourself to such high standards, you believe you’re the exception and therefore you, of all people, should know how to make it perfect.

“Try B minus work”

Some of the best advice I ever heard about perfectionism was from a life coach. She told me, “Try doing B- work.”

I was like, “Lolwut? Excuse me? You want me to do average work?”

She gave me an example: She tried out this theory of giving a B- effort while she was creating her new website. She didn’t spend too much time worrying about the look and feel of it, but made sure it had a sense of organization and was useful. That way if someone told her they didn’t like it, she didn’t care because she hadn’t poured her heart and soul into it. And if someone said they loved it, it was a bonus because she hadn’t tried to make anyone love it. 

I understood the point. If you are too paralyzed by perfection, you might not get your site up and running, or your article published, or your podcast started. 

There are things you can give an A+ effort, she explained, but there are many things we give too much attention to when they deserve an average amount of attention. This was a good way for me to reframe the way I think about new projects. I could be less paralyzed using this attitude. 

No one had ever told me that being less than perfect was ever beneficial. It’s definitely beneficial if it gets you moving forward. 

Baby steps

There are good things about wanting to do well and be your best. But you don’t have to be perfect. If you take it to the extreme, it can hurt your chances of experiencing life to the fullest. At least this is what it did to me. Letting go of super high standards and truly settling into the phrase “go with the flow” has been a game-changer for me. I really hurt myself being too rigid in my goals and expectations. This doesn’t mean I stopped “dreaming big” or wanting to pursue huge goals; on the contrary. I believe in myself and my abilities more now. And I see that taking one small, imperfect step forward makes all the difference compared to being stuck forever worried about making the perfect leap.

I’m not “perfect” at this (ha!), but I am still leaning into it and changing every day. 

I’ll probably never stop giving my all and my best. But I would love to slowly start giving myself and others a break, and slowly start loving and accepting things that are not entirely perfect. 

getting out of a slump

Joe and I experienced a particularly rough winter this year. Not because of worse weather or darker skies. We just moved to New York in October, and to be perfectly candid, we let a lot of anxiety from that decision and from the move build up inside us.

Every winter, I feel a slump from being stuck inside on cold, snowy, or rainy days, from long nights, and not enough light, but this year was the worst. The absolute worst. Joe and I had been fighting a ton which was unusual for us. We’ve been together for 10 years, and I’m not saying that fighting is unhealthy in a relationship, but it was becoming to constant. We felt so disconnected from each other. Hindsight is 20-20, and looking back, it’s obvious we both were dealing with problems within.

I had a really bad week in January, where I just about cried every day and felt so confused and worthless. This is super hard to write about now because it’s hard to be this vulnerable or even remember myself like that. It was the most depressed I had ever felt and the most depressed Joe and I had felt collectively. We didn’t tell anyone because we were embarrassed. Also, we thought, who could really help and who could really understand what we were going through? I know someone could have understood, but when you’re depressed, you feel so isolated. As if no one else could possibly feel like you do. The other side of that is the worry of being a “drag.” I’m so scared of dragging people down.

(Side note: this is a classic example of adding emotion to your emotion. I’m adding feeling “embarrassed” or “pathetic” to my already present emotion of “depression” which makes everything worse. I talk about this a little more in my post about self-awareness.)

After reaching a peak of negative feels, we decided something needed to change. Serendipitously, Joe was leaving for Palm Springs the following week to have a little hang-time/retreat with a friend. At first I was so so jealous of the desert sun he would soak up, but then we talked about how the trip couldn’t have come at a better time. His plan was to meditate and read books and chill. We thought of it as a reset. I was left alone in New York with Pilot and a cold which I used to my advantage to watch multiple seasons of Downton Abbey and eat large amounts of chips and salsa (the spiciness helped unclog my nose). One of the nights, I remembered a course we had bought by Jen Sincero (an author I like) that was supposed to help you achieve a goal in 8 weeks. Like any good online course, it had captured our attention for about a week or so before we forgot about it heh.

But, I remembered one of the initial videos had been really inspiring to watch and I thought, “Why not watch it again?” so I pulled it up on my laptop.

It was a good idea, as it turns out, because it sparked the following.

First of all, I realized I was carrying so much stress. Every day since I moved to Portland, I had an anxiety pit in my stomach because I always felt that I had to be doing more and building more contacts and moving forward and working on new projects. I recently found a journal entry from October 7, 2015 where I talk about how stressed out I am about freelancing and not having any money. It was really shocking to realize I’ve felt the same way for the past 3.5 years.

I’m sure you can understand as a fellow freelancer. Moving to New York, as it happened, was a culmination of feelings and emotions. It was the biggest “doing more” we had done yet and the pressure was on. I learned I was way too attached to my anxiety, too addicted to feeling inadequate and constantly forcing my mind to search for more and more things to do. I had turned things I loved into things I hated. I was terrified to look at my email or answer messages. I never rested my thoughts. Sure, I had glimpses of peace and even meditated sometimes, but I never understood just how much was building up inside me.

Here are the notes I took from that video and other thoughts I wrote down that night that led me to get out of my way, slow down, and heal.

High Vibe, High Five

• Get in touch with your feelings. Really feel it, breathe into it, identify where on your body you feel it, and then let it out.

• Create a ceremony for yourself. Put aside time every day to connect with yourself. Meditation/walk/coffee/etc.

• Pay attention to your surroundings. Surround yourself with high energy people and if you don’t know anyone, find a therapist or a coach. Also keep your surroundings at home or work nice and clean.

• Give something, do a good deed every day (as simple as a compliment).

• Remember that you are always learning; constantly be studying or reading something.

• Pay attention to what “raises your spirits.” For me it’s listening to upbeat music, watching a funny movie and ordering pizza :), going for a walk in nature, calling a friend, going out to eat at a favorite restaurant, reading a good and uplifting book.

Next I felt like I should think about my goals again. What do I really want? So I came up with this list.

Goals

• To be happy

• To be confident in myself

• To have fun

• To have freedom

• To have an amazing relationship with Joe

• To have friends I love and trust

• To be successful financially

I read this list to Joe over the phone while he was still in Palm Springs, and he said, “those sound so pure.” I knew what he meant. They were simple and so many of them were going back to the basics. Honestly I could do without the last one if all the others were true, and for the first time, I really do mean that.

Now it came down to the changes that needed to be made, and so I made a pact with myself.

Pact: For one month I will…

• Take things a little less seriously and be lighter

• Meditate every day

• Write every day

• Read my goals every day

• Read this list of high vibe things every day and try to incorporate it into my life

I didn’t trust myself to be completely perfect in this, but I followed through. From February 5 to March 5, I meditated 24 times. That’s 22 more times than I normally would do in a month! I read my lists and focused on my new goals. I read uplifting and encouraging books almost every morning with Joe over breakfast and coffee (always be learning and reading). I began to put my phone on airplane mode and set it in another room around 9 or 10 at night, and left it this way until after I had started my day - have you ever tried this? It’s soooo nice. I started to write again, and it felt so good. Joe and I made sure we were doing at least one thing a day for our mental heath, and healing our brains became our top priority.

After a week, I noticed a physical and mental difference. The anxiety pit in my stomach was smaller, and I didn’t feel so terribly worthless. In fact, spending all this time on myself had made me less concerned with myself. My mood swings lessened, and Joe (who made a similar pact) laughed about how different we felt so quickly. We grew closer and closer and our relationship mended. After the full month, neither of us could remember how badly we felt in the beginning. I had so much more energy and life within me. We actually felt happy - I’m not promising this to anyone, but the possibility for this change is real. It was seriously a laughable change, a life change. I am committed to protecting my mental health from here on out.

I see now how I was the only one who was standing in the way. My mindset was shaping my experience of life, and I was speaking horrible things to myself. Negative thoughts were going past me completely under the radar. I had let it get completely out of hand, and it was destroying me. I’m not saying this to blame myself. It’s actually quite empowering to think that you do have control over a lot of your life. But if you stop being vigilant, you can get carried away by yourself.

I used to think being positive was corny, but the opposite is not helping you. You can’t go all the way to “Yippee, I’m actually so loved and everything will be alright!” when you’re depressed. First you have to go to a place where you can just “be” and breathe.

We are miles better now, but are continuing to meditate and read daily. I’m not going to pretend I’m some sort of expert in this stuff, but if my experience can help someone, that’s amazing. If you are interested in helpful resources, I’m going to list our favorites below as well as books we’d like to read next. Books are so cheap, and they offer so much wisdom!

Resources

Headspace: this is the meditation app I’ve been using. I like the little animations it has to help you visualize certain meditation techniques, and I also like that it has 30-day courses that are based on a certain theme you may want to work on. For example I was just listening to the “managing anxiety” course.

Psycho-Cybernetics (Updated + Expanded) by Maxwell Maltz: this is one of our favorite books at the moment. We’re reading it through a second time. Broadly speaking, it’s about the power of thought and how your beliefs about yourself or the world can drastically hinder or help you.

Mind Platter by Najwa Zebian: this book was recommended to me by my sister-in-law, and it’s filled with one-page-long inspirational writings. It’s good to wake up and read one page before you start your day or read one page during a tough moment.

You Are a Bad Ass At Making Money by Jen Sincero: this was the first book that sparked off my craving for mental improvement. It’s a very easily digestible book, fast to read, with down to earth explanations, stories, and humor. It boils down to the power of thought and mindset.

Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza: This is one of Joe’s favorites; I have only read the end (I know; I’m weird). This one has a 4 week meditation as a practical application to what you learn in the book. Joe is on week 4 and says he has never experienced such direct results from a book/guided meditation before. I’m excited to read it and try it!

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manual J. Smith, Ph.D.: we listened to this book on a road trip and realized how much we were afraid to say “no” and how much emotional manipulation is casually used in day to day life to keep you from saying “no.”

The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz, Ph.D.: This one is also about the power of thought. It’s written from a very old perspective, so you have to take some of it with a grain of salt. The author loves using anecdotes about traveling salesmen. (1950s gangster voice) Salesmen, see?

Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell, Ph.D.: We’re reading this book through a second time as well. It’s about healing from indoctrination and learning to trust your own intuition.

Choose Your Self by James Altucher: I haven’t read this book, but it is one of Joe’s favorites. It’s about power of thought/believing in yourself and putting yourself first. He says he likes it because it’s very practical.

The Acne Answer by Marie Véronique Nadeau: this one was really good for my skin care knowledge. I actually went to see the skin care specialist who helped write this book and now I use a ton of the Marie Véronique products. My skin has never been better. I’m planning on writing about my skincare once I’ve consistently used it for 6 months or so.

Heal: this is a Netflix documentary we recently watched and then watch again. Super recommend! It’s about the power of the mind.

Up Next

Freedom: The Courage to Be Yourself by Osho: found this by chance at Barnes & Noble, and I’m super excited to read it!

The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.: this was recommended by a friend on instagram. Hi, friend!

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz: A couple people have recommended this book to us on instagram. I don’t know much about it, but the tagline’s got me interested.

my skincare routine

I'm SUPER excited to talk about skincare today. It's something I'm obsessed with and talk about all the time with Joe, but never really share online. I think next to fashion photography, it's my biggest obsession and favorite thing to learn about. 

CLEANSING

My favorite step is cleansing. If you wanted to change one thing about your routine without spending all your money, I would highly recommend oil cleansing. I've been cleansing this way for 3+ years, and have no intention of going back. 

Basically you pick an oil (I use avocado oil, but you can use a variety of oils: grapeseed, sweet almond, sunflower seed oil, etc), and pour a little pool into the palm of your hand. Then you smear it all over your face and rub the oil around in small circles, even over you mascara'ed eyes (incidentally it's my favorite way to remove tough mascara). The oil dissolves oils and breaks down dirt and makeup on your skin. Sometimes - most times - you can feel what they call "grits" under you finger tips as you massage your skin which is dead skin or makeup rolling up into tiny balls :) (you might think that's gross, but I think it's satisfying!). 

Rinse off your hands with a little soap and water and grab your washcloth. Dampen it with hot water and lay it over your face. The heat and steam feel great and they soften your pores and skin. Then gently wipe away the makeup, dirt, and oil. I rinse and repeat this step about 3 times until my face feels clean. Another plus about oil cleansing is my face never gets that tight, dry feeling afterward that some cleansers or soaps can cause. 

Tip* some people get grossed out by washcloths saying that you should always use a fresh cloth or makeup wipe to clean you face to avoid bacteria buildup. Sure! I agree! But also I'm all about decreasing my waste. Just be sure to wash your washcloth or towel frequently :)

If this is still weird, emulsifying oils do exist - this basically means that the oil rinses off with water by some supernatural powers (how does it work?!). You can use these, too! However I prefer just a regular bottle of avocado oil because it's cheaper, and it's only one ingredient. My face is so fussy and reactive, so I like knowing my cleanse will be gentle. Thank you cleanse! I can always count on you. 

WOW THANKS FOR GETTING THRU THIS PART. SO PASSIONATE. OIL CLEANSE FUN. WOW.

MASKING

If I'm going to mask, I do it now! I've experimented with a ton of masks and have a lot I hate, some that didn't do nuthin', and some I love. Go figure. 

I regularly use the Herbivore Botanicals Blue Tansy mask. I like this because, in my opinion, it does what it says which is rare (if you can believe it) in the skincare world. It's an AHA/BHA clarifying, gently exfoliating and resurfacing mask. You're supposed to use this mask more frequently when you first try it, then switch to using it 2 to 3 times a week. When I do this the pores on my nose look more cleaned out than before! 

You put a thin layer on your skin and let it dry for 15 - 20 minutes, then wash it off (you can use a washcloth to wipe off excess that doesn't rinse with water and help exfoliate away the dead skin). This mask tingles/burns my face a bit, but it says it'll do that on their website, so ...okay. 

Next, another favorite mask is the Reborn facial mask by Root Science. It's a clay mask that leaves my skin looking really clean and feeling really smooth. It comes in powdered form and you add water. I mix one teaspoon mask with one teaspoon water and mix it up with my fingers. Then I directly apply it over clean skin. Wait 20 minutes or until it's all dry and cracked and you look like the lizard people. Then soften with lukewarm water and massage it all around for some nice exfoliation, and rinse! (this mask leaves my face red like other bentonite clay masks, but in the morning, it's back to normal and my face looks glowy)

Tip* I recommend bringing one paper towel sheet into the bathroom to dry your face after rinsing especially if you have white towels like me! The mask is black, and I always miss some on my hair line. 

Pro Tip* Wash it off in the shower! - night showers are the best for sexy, voluminous hair and washing off your masks without splashing clay all over your mirror.

Another mask I have pictured is the Herbivore Botanicals Brighten mask. I haven't noticed as many results from this one, but it doesn't hurt my face which is a plus for me. I'm going to continue to use it and try to be more consistent with it. 

MOISTURIZING

You've all heard it before, moisturizing is a really important step in your skincare routine. I moisturize after every wash and YOU SHOULD TOO. I've been through a myriad of creams and oils. Some didn't turn out to be what I wanted, some broke my heart, some made promises they couldn't keep, and some, I cheated on when I found someone better. 

I'm still not sure if I'm into oils 100%, but they are the most natural and hurt my face less than creams. My face is very oily which is another reason why oils are a little weird for me sometimes. It's oily when it's dry, when it's moist, in the morning, in the summer, after I put on mattifying creams. It's annoying. 

That being said...The oil I'm into lately is Herbivore Botanicals Lapis oil. One tip I've learned sort of recently about oil is to use way less than you think and spend some time massaging it in. The massaging part has really helped me. I spend like five minutes gently massaging my face which is nice, except when you want to just jump in bed already or are late for something. I use 3 - 4 drops of this oil. It's supposed to be for oily or acne prone skin, so yay! Now that it's winter though, my skin wants a little more moisture, so I ordered the phoenix oil from Herbivore to try.

At night, before the lapis oil, I use another product by Herbivore Botanicals called Moon Fruit Night Treatment. It's a purple cream and you just take a little bit to rub into your face. You have to rub it in really well otherwise the oil massage you're about to bust out will pill up all your night treatment. After I use this my face looks so non-red and normal (my face is always slightly pink). I kind of want to stop there, but it's definitely not enough moisture for me. 

Next, I was just gifted a product from Maven Botanics called Enlightened which is a moisturizing oil. My husband and I both tried it, and it soaks in better than any other oil we tried and makes your face look more moisturized which is only something a person who stares closely into a mirror every few hours would notice. Joe has been using it regularly and his face has been lookin tight. My face gets slightly red with it, and I think it's because of the essential oils in it. I've found my face skin doesn't like essential oils, but if yours is fine with it, I would highly recommend this for winter!

Tip* I usually give myself a spritz of rosewater before my oil and after and after I apply makeup and a bunch of other times during the day. Makes me feel refreshed {Insert the sound of opening up an ice cold Lacroix}.

EXTRAS

For lips I love Glossier's Balm Dotcom original recipe. If you remember, I once mentioned that this product hurt the back of my throat when I inhaled (weird). I have since come full circle, and it's currently my favorite lip stuff. Which is an important lesson. Give people and things second chances. 

I wanted a hand cream for Christmas, and Santa in the form of Joe gave me a lovely one. It's Grown Alchemist's Intensive Hand Cream. Also have you been to the site I linked it from? It's my favorite place to search from new makeup/skin stuff/gifts. 

Okay I'm tired of typing now, and you're probably done reading. Time to go check back on my writing and see how many typos I made!

BE GOOD TO YOUR SKIN!